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[MARCH 2013.]

Bad calendar

In the afternoon Christ died, our tongues turned thick, we forgot our sentences and fell asleep.

Palaz of hoon

With my bare hands I broke up some ramifications of dead wood, chucked them into the green waste bin and carted it out to the curb. It was warm dusk and mockingbirds were burbling. I do enjoy my little empire.

Every few years, a new step in this awkward dance of privacy and revelation. We're trying a new arrangement in which www.metameat.net persists as an expansive subset of these entries, especially as they relate to Books and their Writers, thus serving as public mask and Google decoy, while atem.metameat.net is the same as ever, plus the odd item I wish to share not with the world but with you. I don’t think it much matters which versions are linked to, or put in blogrolls, if there are any blogrolls now.

Two days ago I had a bad spell chopping potatoes. The act of severing the potato from itself became all at once metaphysically stupid and horrible, I fell down on the linoleum and shouted that I couldn’t go on. My daughter made dinosaur noises in sympathy from the next room. I love my daughter. I gave her a hug, my wife took over and I went to bed.

Today I took the train. Electric white bay under clouds. That was new. Jeden Tag was Neues.

Metaphysics is jealous of food & always has been. Smile, nod, let it go its way.

In the Moat

an unsolicited preface to Mind and World


The way that a journal degenerates into a to-do list must be one more deformation from all those years in school. Think of the hours you sat at that table or a desk, pen in hand, someone else’s words clouding the air, with the sense of a weight of lumber to be cleared away but no room to start, and nothing to do but count and recount the unbudged planks. That sense follows you out of the classroom and into the office, the car, the train compartment, the bed before dawn. The wants are so gaping and the means so scarce that even to mark out a starting position is tantamount to squaring the circle. You operate at a loss. You fail to keep what you have, and never pay down the principal on what you owe to yourself, or to the great causes that you claim to believe in. My daughter understands that there are shapes and there are apertures, and she has seen one pass through the other, but they won’t be led, they won’t give up their brute obstinacy in her hands.

The mind is free, says Epictetus, and many after him. The mind has a moat; this is your side, that is theirs, and nothing crosses the bridge without your assent. Again and again we’re driven back into that bunker, with all its melancholy fantasies. Think of Borges, for instance, in “The Secret Miracle”—that dream of freezing in time before the firing squad is a commensurate picture for the freeway commute, the continuing-education seminar. The only possible freedom of conscience under such circumstances is the backward plunge into what John McDowell calls “frictionless spinning in the void.”

The claim of “The Secret Miracle” is that one can always be making poetry. The cost is only that the poem cannot cross the moat, and is therefore lost even to its maker; a devotion sub specie aeternitatis has no recipient (“no trabaj√≥ para la posteridad ni aun para Dios, de cuyas preferencias literarias poco sab√≠a”). The elision of that eternity, in Borges, into the narrator who recounts the story from a later time is that bit of circle-squaring sophistry we allow our fictions to get away with.

And suppose such a poem—a play in verse, we are told, written in hexameters—had somehow crossed the moat? To write as a devotional was already the practice of the modernists, who found all the other envelopes returned to sender; and before and after that time we all have heard entropy’s dull wings at our backs. The problem isn’t to fill the moat, nor to cross the moat once it’s filled. The problem is to be easy enough in the world that the moat ceases to be interesting.

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